Five reasons why green tea is kick ass.
Aqua
Lets see, it’s only two thirty and I’ve already consumed seven 8 ounces of water, not counting the 32 ounces of green tea I brewed.
It feels good.
I debated a long time whether I wanted to post this picture. I decided that I need to come to terms with the body I have. That means learning to not be ashamed when others see it.
I can attain this.
As of this morning, fully clothed with shoes and full of water I weigh 124.1 pounds.
My main goal in weight for the end of this month is to hit 120 or below.
Not at all impossible.
Some changes have been made,
I’ve decided to start once again this process of losing weight, but this time it isn’t just to become thin but also to become healthy and fit.
It’s true that I still deal with body issues, my goal weight remains the same at 95 pounds. Yes my actions and ideas are contradicting in many points. But the outcome remains the same. I want a body worth being proud of. Even at my thinnest 105/107 I didn’t have a body that I could accept, this means that not only do I have to work on getting my lazy butt out of bed. But also that mentally I need to learn to accept myself. I’m tired of being called thin only to reject it. I know that my issues go deeper than having been just an awkward ugly kid who got bullied. Who I am today isn’t who I was two, four, six years ago. I have many if not all of the symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder. When I look at myself there is a disconnect somewhere in my head. I think most of us have seen that apple and the bitten one in turn, and that image is my thoughts in photo.
That being said, instead of the measly 500 calories I had maintained to lose weight and lose it fast I’ve upped it to 1,500. I know that some will gasp in horror but I know realistically that I have to set reasonable standards for myself. 1,500 calories is healthy for a sedentary person such as myself. It will still give me enough space to lose weight, rather than maintaining my current weight. I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 11 or 12. I’m twenty now. Enough is enough.
This is a new start for me. I’ve made out lists and plans for myself, one because I love to organize and plan and another because I know that having something to follow will keep me better on the path that I’ve decided to take.
I know that this is going to be a struggle. But in the end I know that it will be worth it. The key to a healthy lifestyle is creating healthy habits.
You’ll be seeing me around a lot more. I have a mission,
Today my boyfriend mentioned he was going to work out so in the course of the conversation I mentioned that I had started to count calories again. It ended up turning into a fight.
He told me he was sick of this “anorexic bullshit”, to be honest I’m bothered.
It drives me fucking mad to be called thin and then told to shut up when I deny it. I mean, it’s right fucking there, there is fat on me. Oh yes I realize I’m not morbidly obese but my weight causes me enough bother that I want to change it.
I in no way shape or form claim to have any sort of eating disorder, but the fact that he would say it like that. That what’s going on inside my head is something that I can just turn off.
I’m just bothered.
My goal for April has been to start good habits, tracking what I eat, planning an exercise regiment, keeping myself generally active, setting reachable goals, and so on.
My goal for May will to become more stable in these habits, to track what I eat, including calories, to follow through with the exercise regiment I create and to do things I generally love to do.
Generally I’m rather sickly and melancholy, and to be frank I’m getting sick of it. I feel that if I get myself more active and actually DO, not only will that help my physical health but also my mental well being.
So here’s to new habits which I pray will last a lifetime.
